I've been feeling stuck again. If you gave me the option to leave my job and school and start working on an urban farm and teaching yoga I would take you up on it 100%. That's where I'm at in life right now.
Maybe I was right to question going back to school. I'm just not as into it as I used to be. I LOVED these classes in 2010 and 2011, but now I'm just not. Maybe it's because I started off with the wrong class, maybe I'm more jaded about the planning process now, but maybe it's because I'm just done with school. I have my MBA. I have a decent amount of experience in my field. I can start sitting for certification exams next year. Yes, this degree may help me get a "real" planning job (at least make it a little easier) and give me a path into what I would like to study at the PhD level, but I really feel like I'm done, at least with traditional higher education.
After my day job, I want to come home and read a book for fun and cook a delicious meal and get in a meditation and a yoga practice and work on that scarf I started in March. I thought I was lost, but now I realize that it's ok to not have concrete activities all the time. My evenings were my time. I miss being able to do what I wanted to do on my time. It took me nine months to finally feel comfortable with an open evening or an open weekend, but I don't want to give it up any more. I feel like this blog is also suffering my lack of time and enthusiasm. I just don't have the time to brainstorm and cook and photograph and write and research like I used to. I want that back.
I find it funny that, at one point, I didn't know what I would do after school ended. Now I'd give up school to get that back in a heartbeat.
So, what's next?
- I'm really considering not going back to USF in January. It's alright. I tried to make it work and I'm recognizing that its not before I throw even more money into it.
- I have to volunteer four hours at the farm I get my CSA share from, but I'm planning on helping with the weekly harvest a lot more than that, especially once class ends. I want to help out the community that benefits from our local CSA.
- I've been really researching yoga teacher training (YTT). The 200-hour training is about the same investment as a semester at USF, but I can actually have a payment plan. I could write a whole different post on why I'm drawn to this idea, but what it comes down to is that I want a deeper dive into something that really speaks to me and I want to help people discover that too. And with a fixed 6-month schedule there would be an end in sight, unlike where I am with grad school.
There will still be time for blogging and reading and knitting and cooking and all of the things that make me happy. I knew 2015 would be about finding myself, and I think I have. Now it's time to act on it. It's not a guarantee that any of this will actually happen, but as each day passes I become more and more sure about where I want my life to go.