there’s so much you haven’t seen

It’s been six years since I was last in a fresh, new relationship with someone. I spent over five years with the same person, and I’ve forgotten how exciting and scary and new everything can feel. It’s so strange that there are major things he hasn’t seen yet (my academia-induced panics that occurred around finals) and minor things (me being legitimately sick and still insisting on cooking). He’s seen so much of my weird neuroses, and at the same time hasn’t even scratched the surface.

He knows that I have about 12 books on rotation at any given time and tend to wake up stupid early on weekends. He knows what shows I like to binge watch and that I eat Halo Top out of the carton. He knows that I keep the space cold despite always being cold and that I’m weirdly tidy.

But he doesn’t know how I can be when my Saturday is wasted by a migraine. He doesn’t know how completely ineffectual studying at home is for me. He doesn’t know that I can waste a whole day watching college football and eating cheese sticks and drinking cheap, shitty beer.

Ok, it’s more like he just hasn’t seen those facets on me yet. But that’s still a strange thing after being with the same person for so long. It’s also so strange to think that there are so many important things that have defined my life that he may never get to experience (see: grad school). But that’s the interesting part of starting a new relationship in your late 20’s. So much has happened that shape you as a person, and it’s incredibly easy to forget about that because it’s unseen.

One day he’ll see all of these sides…